Shantaram

Ponekad, neke knjige nas pronadju sasvim nenadano, kao da nas zaskoče iz mraka kada ih najmanje očekujemo. I zauvek nadju svoje mesto u našim životima. Kao i neki ljudi.

Znate li taj osećaj, kada uhvatite sebe da živite kroz citate?

Ne znam kako da vam opišem Shantaram, iz straha da ga ne ukaljam pokušajima da ga definišem ili obeležim. Svakako, razlozi zašto sam zavolela ovu knjigu ne nose neku vrednost. Razlog i ljubav svakako nemaju veze jedno sa drugim u samoj umetnosti. Umetničko delo koje nas zauvek zarobi je ono za koje se ne usudjujemo da tražimo razloge. Sačinjeno je od emocija i izraza koji nalaze one tanane niti u nama samima i prepoznaju ih kao svoje sopstvene.

Uglavnom, roman koji me je progutao u jednom dahu… Par rečenica samo, da ih ni slučajno ne zaboravim…

Loves are like that. You heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you started throwing people out – your friends and everyone you used to know. And it’s still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it’s going to take you down with it.

 The past reflects eternally between two mirrors -the bright mirror of words and deeds, and the dark one, full of things we didn’t do or say.

 My heart broke on its shame and sorrow. I suddenly knew how much crying there was in me, and how little love. I knew, at last, how lonely I was.

But I couldn’t respond.  My culture had taught me all the wrong things well.  So I lay completely still, and gave no reaction at all. But the soul has no culture. The soul has no nations. The soul has no colour or accent or way of life. The soul is forever. The soul is one. And when the heart has its moment of truth and sorrow, the soul can’t be stilled.

Lovers find their way by insights and confidences; they are the stars they use to navigate the ocean of desire. And the brightest of those stars are the heartbreaks and sorrows. The most precious gift you can bring to your lover is your suffering.

 I clenched my teeth against the stars. I closed my eyes. I surrendered to sleep. One of the reasons why we crave love, and seek it so desperately, is that love is the only cure for loneliness, and shame, and sorrow. But some feelings sink so deep into the heart that only loneliness can help you find them again. Some truths about yourself are so painful that only shame can help you live with them. And some things are just so sad that only your soul can do the crying for you.

 Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears. In the end that’s all there is: love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that’s all we have – to hold on tight until the dawn.

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